It's 5am so this blog may be more rambling than anything else (you can't say I didn't that warn you). I can't sleep. I woke up thinking about Christmas and the never ending list that still needs to be taken care of. There are toys that still need to be bought, gifts to be sent, and cards that need addressed. It seems that every year I am equally as stressed about all of these things. Since I couldn't sleep, I went downstairs and got on my Ipad. I wanted to make a list because that's how I deal with all of the mess that goes on inside my head. During my list making, my little man woke up. I went to get him to feed him. My husband woke up and wanted to know what I was doing (he usually takes the night feedings...yes, I know, I'm spoiled). I told him I was already awake and explained my thoughts. He told me that I always have to find something to stress about, this is true. That leads me to the point of all my rambling. Why does Christmas bring so much stress? It is supposed to be a celebration of our savior's birth. Yet, we have complicated it as only we can do. We have turned it into this commercialized mess.

    I'm certain, that years down the road, my child is going to ask me why he received three presents inste
ad of four. He will be so upset that I didn't get him that rocking horse he so desperately wanted at six months of age. He will be scarred for life.
Why do we do this? Is it because we have become brainwashed by society? Is it because we feel like we can buy happiness? No, I don't think that is the correct answer. I mean...I'm sure many believe that. I don't. It is not my truth.

    I'm going off base for a minute
. My love language is words of affirmation. For those of you that have no idea what I'm talking about, pick up a copy of the five love languages, it will change your world. Anyway, my primary love language is not gift giving, but it runs a close second. Receiving gifts is not my thing, my thing is giving them. Before you start to think I am super materialistic, I am not. In fact, in a lot of ways, I am the opposite. I love giving gifts. I love seeing the reaction. I love seeing the person's eyes light up. I love letting them know that they are thought of, and that they are very special to me.

    T
his is why I go overboard with Christmas. This is why I stress so much. I want everyone to feel the joy and excitement of the day. And... to be completely honest, I do love being the person who got someone the "perfect gift".

    The conflict that I have, is that I also feel very selfish and materialistic
when I think of all of those that don't have. I think of those that struggle to just give one gift to their children.
I start to think about how precious life is. I think about how none of these things really matter. I think about how I can't even remember what I got for Christmas last year. I'm sure you probably can't remember what you got either. Then, I hate myself for worrying so much about how many gifts my 6 month old will open. How ugly is that? It's pretty ugly.

    Sadly, I will probably always have this struggle. I will continue to buy gifts and worry about them being the right ones. I will worry if one my my family members got the gift they were so wanting. And...I will still lay awake some nights wondering why I am so blessed to have these problems. If you have the same problem as me, don't beat yourself up. You genuinely want to bring joy to others. Remember, that whether or not your kid got one more gift really doesn't matter (if it does matter, then we should be having a "come to Jesus meeting" with our children). Maybe, instead of giving that one more gift to your child, find a child that is in need and give it to them. If gift giving is your thing, don't feel bad about it. Just make sure that you are also giving to those in need. And...that you are thanking God daily for the blessings that you have been given.

Happy gift giving :)

p.s.

sorry for the rambling. now I can sleep!
this is a "gift" that my nephew (5yrs at the time) gave his mom for her birthday. Proof that gift giving really comes from the heart :)

 





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    I am a wife, a mom, a runner, a girl.. I wanted to start a blog to capture all the beautiful {and not so beautiful} moments in life.

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