This one has been a long time coming. This blog has been torn straight from my heart...straight from my soul. I love to write and I write about semi-personal things.  However, I have had this story on my heart since the day I started this blog. Now, now is the time.

As many of you may know our family has been through some rocky times. When I was in eighth grade my mom started getting sick. She and my dad visited the Mayo Clinic multiple times to figure out what was wrong with no luck. After numerous hospital visits, tests, possible diagnoses, and doctors she was diagnosed with something called NASH (non-alcoholic steato hepatitis). Which basically meant her liver was failing and for no apparent reason. She had none of the characteristics that a person typically diagnosed with this has. She had to stop teaching and was basically confined to our house and bed my whole high school career.

She suffered. We suffered. It was the single hardest thing I have ever faced. There were many times I questioned why my mom? Why us? What did we do? We had always went to church. We had always believed and trusted in God. So...why was this happening? My parents did a pretty good job of keeping my little sister and I sheltered from the worst of it. But sometimes, we peeked through the cracks and we saw the worst.  In those times of weakness, sadness, worry, doubt, and death, HE was there.

He was there every time I saw my dad open his Bible to read. He was there in my Aunt's unwavering faith. He was there when my mom and aunt habitually took the Lord's supper. He was there in the form of a man that would end up being my husband. He was there in my grandmother's prayers and my sisters' tears. He was there in my mom's strength. He was there when bills were paid. He was there in each meal or card we received. I remember finding verses on healing in the Bible and posting them all over our house. On the doors, in my mom's room and her bathroom...everywhere. I would declare and pray the verses aloud every time I saw them. He was very much there.

She spent many many nights in the hospital. She was on a list to receive a transplant. She was called once around Christmas. However, she was too sick to undergo the transplant. We kept praying and believing...even when it looked impossible.
Picture
This picture is from Hoop Queen the January before she received her transplant. She had just had a liver biopsy (if I remember correctly) and was sent home with a pain patch. JUST so she could watch my sister and I walk for Hoop Queen. She was in so much pain. She was so strong.
If my mom ever reads this I will be in SO much trouble for sharing this picture. She hates it. So do I. It tears at my heart each time I see it. Our storm...her storm looked impossible that night. I was afraid I was losing my mom and I was afraid I was losing her quickly.

Fast forward to May and we got THE CALL. The one that meant she would be saved. This hell was over. We packed up and left in the middle of the night to drive to St. Louis. I still remember stopping at the gas station with Trey, Shelley, and Ciara. I remember being so excited, nervous, scared, and thankful. I remember the song that played over the speakers outside the gas station "everything is going to be alright...rock a bye". I felt like that was God calming my fears. We all thought it was our happily ever after.

Fast forward a few hours. My mom has been prepped for surgery and is waiting to go in. We get a call. Its a NO GO. The liver from the donor is BAD. I cannot remember a time I have been more angry at God. I was so heartbroken. I remember thinking "really? Is this a joke to you? Do you think this is funny?" So back we went to the "normal" we knew. I remember her...she was so strong. She was so positive and HER faith was astonishing. Mine, mine was diminishing by the second.

Three months later we receive another call...at night (because for some reason these things don't happen during the day). It was my dad's birthday. I called my boyfriend (my hubs now) he was in Detroit interning at General Motors. He told me he would be on the first flight he could catch. I remember walking downstairs cautiously excited. My dad was in the living room getting things organized. I remember asking him "how do you know this is going to work? it will probably be bad again!" His reply, I will remember all my life..."Let's pray". Right there, in the middle of our living room, my little sister and I joined hands with my parents as my dad led us in the most powerful prayer I have ever heard. A few hours later...well a lot of hours later, my mom had a new liver.


Picture
The day my mom came home with her new liver. HIS grace is sufficient.
I told you all of that to tell you this. No matter what your storm is, God is BIGGER. I have been struggling with some things. I have been struggling with personal, little, everyday things. I haven't been able to shake them,no matter what I do. Tonight at church we sang Cornerstone. The part that spoke to me is this:

Christ alone; cornerstone
Weak made strong; in the Savior's love
Through the storm, He is Lord
Lord of all


And then he spoke to my heart. He asked me why I trusted him with my mom but I couldn't trust him with my own personal struggles. Why do I keep picking up those struggles up seconds after laying them at his feet? Then I thought about the lyrics...


Through the storm HE IS LORD.

He is the God who made the Universe. He is the God who hung the stars. He is the God who knew us before we were born. So, why can't I trust this awesome God with something so small? Because, instead of letting go and letting God, I tried to control the problem. You see, with my mom, I had no control. I HAD to give it to him. With big things in my life I have no control. But with little things I think I have control. In my own arrogance I decide to help God.

God doesn't need our help. Whatever you are going through...know that our God's grace is sufficient. If he can hang stars and form the mountains and heal my mom, he can take care of whatever you are facing. Let go, and Let God.

My sweet Jesus healed my mom. I am SO thankful he did. Because without his perfect blood, I wouldn't have these moments.
 


Comments

rhonda newton
01/23/2014 7:28am

Courtney, This was a wonderful start to my day. Ever thought about motivational speaking? Love your family!

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Courtney
01/23/2014 11:41am

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! I would love to be a motivational speaker (kind of my dream) :) We love you!

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Klista Smith
01/23/2014 7:40am

Love you all so much! God is always in control. God is Good. He loves your family and especially now he has your Mom in his arms. Praise him!

Reply
Courtney
01/23/2014 11:41am

HE is :) Love you!

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Kelly Jackson
01/23/2014 8:04am

Wonderful testimony, Court. It's very uplifting to all of us to read, but just wait...it's lifting you up as well.

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Courtney
01/23/2014 11:42am

Thank you :) Yes, it is to me. Maybe more so than everyone else!

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Dawn Newberry
01/23/2014 10:22am

Tears!!! Awesome story of your life and the life of a VERY special lady!

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Courtney
01/23/2014 11:43am

Thank you :) Yes she is!

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Francesca
01/23/2014 4:14pm

I remember witnessing this hard chapter in your life. I still remember the time you called my house phone to share the good news of your mom's new liver. It was in the middle of the night, and I couldn't go back to sleep - I was so happy for your mom as well as your family. God truly is EVERYTHING! Years later, this last summer, I remember watching her hold Landry and thinking what a beautiful moment to see her with your son. Thanks so sharing this incredible, inspirational story. Your momma is an amazing person, and I see a lot of her in you. :) Love you both so much!

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Courtney
01/23/2014 4:32pm

Fran- I don't know how I could have made it through all of those years without you. You are my best and dearest friend. Who would have thought we would still be so close after so many years and miles? I love you :) Thank you for your sweet words.

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Debbie Ebert
01/24/2014 6:50am

Great blog! I remembr your mom going through this and having prayer for her at church. Also, the Sun. Steve announced through tears that she got her transplant. It was a joyful morning!

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Courtney
01/24/2014 9:03pm

It was such a great day! Thank you for reading!

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Kayla Aiken
01/25/2014 12:57am

WOW. Tears. What a beautiful, open, vulnerable post. Isn't it amazing to look back on all that the Lord has done and how much strength He gave us and how much He must always be giving us?

Loved this. Love you, sweet friend.

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Brooke
01/25/2014 10:12am

My goodness lady! I saved this on my phone the day I saw it on FB & finally just now got to read it. I remember when your momma was sick but since we lived so far away I didn't know all the small details. This definitely made me cry & reminded me yet again, how He takes care of everything, in His time. I'm so thankful that He healed your mom because I know how close you all are & I always love seeing her when I can. Your family is an extension of my family & I love you all dearly!

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    {ME}

    I am a wife, a mom, a runner, a girl.. I wanted to start a blog to capture all the beautiful {and not so beautiful} moments in life.

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